I am grateful for many things.  I am grateful each time the lock works on the bathroom door at work.  I am grateful for the two day reprieve I got from my allergies that plague me in this county for the rest of the year.  I am grateful that the mayor of San Francisco is so good looking (thank you so much, Gavin).  I’m grateful that in a time when so many people have lost their homes to the fires down south, I have a home to live in, even when it occasionally feels cramped.   And I’m grateful that I have a working smoke alarm to alert me to such danger, even if it’s a fire limited to a single burning candle.  I’m grateful that I have a job and an extremely nice boss who has allowed me to work around my kids’ school schedules, thus alleviating the cost of daycare for the time being.  I’m grateful that each month, as strapped as I am, I always have enough money to cover all my needs.  I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for my friends.  I am grateful for my pen and notepad where all my writing begins, and my laptop computer where they end.  And among many other things, I am grateful to not be married anymore, and to be raising my kids on my own.

I know.  That’s an odd statement.  There are times when some support in raising these kids would be much appreciated.  There are times, even in this age when divorce is more common than ever, when I feel like the odd girl out.  At parent/teacher conferences, there’s just me sitting with the teacher.  At soccer games my kids only have one voice cheering them on amongst all the other pairs of parents.  Money is tighter in a single parent home, as is the schedule since only one parent is the chauffeur. The thing is, divorce happens for a reason.  The events leading up to divorce are anything but pleasant for the whole family.  The fighting, the hostility, the unhappiness…..  The kids are forgotten as problems appear bigger than them.  And when it’s all over (ok, truthfully, thanks to the court system, is it ever all the way over?) everyone is left out of breath and very broken, especially the kids.

Our family was no exception.  We had to give up a lot in the process.  We had to give away our family dog.  We had to leave the house the kids knew as their home and the school my daughter had made friends at.  The kids suddenly saw each parent at separate times, and never as much as they wanted to.   And they created games against each of us, tattling on the other parent to get us to argue with each other.  And we’d unwittingly play the game, fighting with each other as the kids remained in the middle.  And eventually their dad stepped away from the kids’ lives, and stopped paying support altogether, leaving our kids hurt, angry and confused.  And a whole new set of problems were onset by this…….

Divorce can be ugly.  It can break the strongest of people.  I think I must have laid on the couch for a year before I could finally get up.  But we’ve come a long way.  I look at our lives now and see it was all worth it.  Our home is calm.  There is no turmoil from a failing marriage.  The kids are secure in our set routine, being a part of the planning process with me.  Each kid has their own responsibility, something they take on with pride.  We are our own family of three, working together to create a home, helping each other stand, smiling much more than we did several years ago.  It works, this single parenting thing.  And I’m reminded of that constantly: when we snuggle up to a movie in our pj’s munching popcorn, when my daughter makes me son’s bed or my son clears his sister’s plate from the table, when we play the “what’s your favorite” game as we drive in the car, when our schedule is secure, when my son kisses me on the cheek and tells me he loves me out of the blue.  I see that somewhere I’m doing it right.  And the gratitude I feel about this little family of ours is hard to put into numbers or limit it to mere words.  I’m just thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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