I’ve been under an inordinate amount of stress lately. Work has been crazy with numerous deadlines and unexpected complications. And nothing promotes guilt like being forced to work several hours overtime, begging my parents to pick my son up from daycare, and then be able to get the kids just in time for their bedtime. Situations with the ex have caused me anxiety. Money is never enough and gas is only going higher. Several bills will be paid late this month to ensure there is enough for rent. Time is the only thing tighter than money, judging by my laundry pile and the towels that have been sitting in the dryer for a week.

I’ve been feeling it. And my kids have no doubt been feeding off it. Their bickering amongst each other has gone from bad to worse. When times get like this, it is hard to even think about the future without thinking, “you silly girl, how the heck can you even pretend your kids will be going to college or straighten their teeth, or that you will ever get out of this cramped apartment into a real home?” I’ve been more tired lately, sleeping off my stress. I wake up in the morning feeling groggier by the day. The job I usually love has become my hell, and I have to fight the urge to not keep driving straight to the ocean rather than take the offramp to work.

What I really need is a vacation.

This morning the sky was foggy with a slight mist that would break away later for rainclouds. I got up to take a shower, and then put the coffee on. The misty morning made the house feel cozy. I let the kids sleep in 10 minutes before coaxing them awake. Neither one wanted to move, but eventually they did. We all settled into the routine of getting ready for school and work.

I wore my slippers and my favorite sweatshirt over my work clothes as I got them in the car and drove them to school. Merging into the traffic by my house is a daily adventure, and it went smoother than usual.

“Mom, I really like your new purse,” my daughter said out of the blue.

I looked down at the new bag I had bought the day before. It’s made of red and orange saris, with mirrored jewels on it, and it has a nice fat strap that slings over my shoulder easily. It is big enough to carry my notebook (that I have on me at all times should the inspiration arise), a book, my wallet, and other various items should I be caught in the wilderness for days at a time. The bright colors made me happy. And seeing that bag reminded me of shopping for it at Cost Plus on my lunch break yesterday, and how happy it made me to go down each aisle, one by one, stimulating myself visually.

“Hey, what are some of the things that make you happy?” I asked my daughter. “Things around here or that we do,” I added.

“You go first. I need an idea.”

“Well, my new bag makes me happy. And bright colors. And eating at ethnic restaurants makes me happy, like Indian or Chinese food in a decorative place.”

“Not going to school makes me happy,” my son chimed in from the backseat. We all laughed.

“Yeah, weekends make me happy too,” I said.

“Sleeping in,” said my daughter.

“Sitting by the fireplace with a cup of coffee on a rainy day makes me happy,” I said.

“Going to Aroma’s makes me happy,” said my daughter. We all agreed.

Soon, happy thoughts were flying through the van like wildfire. We were all smiling and laughing, thinking of more and more things that made us feel all warm and good inside. I dropped my son off first, then my daughter after a few more happy thoughts (“Now let’s talk about the things that make us unhappy,” she said. “No,” I replied. “Let’s stick to the happy.”). And I drove back home to finish getting ready for work (and take my slippers off in favor of some real shoes). And I realized something. The weight on my shoulders was lifting. And in its place a lightness was growing that I had been missing for a while. And I actually looked forward to work. Just to add to my happiness, I kept the sweatshirt on, just because it was comfy.

All those good thoughts must have passed my car and met me at work. When I got there, one of my coworkers had left me a bag of assorted croissants just because he knew I was having a rough week. And I realized something as I bit into the one with chocolate pieces. Croissants make me happy. So does chocolate.

Farmers markets. Driving with good music on the radio (“Like right now,” my daughter said). The river in Placerville (Placerville in general). The ocean. San Diego. The sound of trumpets. The rain. The sun. Disneyland. Writing. A good book. Sleeping in. Really, really good Blues (“NO Blues,” my lovely daughter interjected). Fruit salad. Homegroup. Dancing. Singing. Quiet God moments. Hot showers. Swimming at the Flamingo Hotel. BBQ’s. Bear hugs. Puppies. New clothes. Climbing trees. Riding bikes. Laughing. Dessert. Video games. Robes and slippers. Popcorn. Dragonflies. Seashells. Hot tubs. Jack Johnson. Candles. A clean house. Homecooked meals. Soup. Jasmine Green Tea. The newspaper. Family movie nights. 94.9 KBZT. Scandia. Avatar the Last Airbender. Songs sung by men that glorify their woman (alright, that was purely me). Poems. Love. Christmas. Flowers. Unexpected gifts just because. Letters in the mail. The sound of bullfrogs in the creek. Hiking in the Bennett Valley hills. Spring Lake. Soccer. Downtown Santa Rosa. Paper lanterns. Tiki torches. Camping. Bonfires. Acoustic guitars. Spring. Apple blossoms. Gardening (or at least the idea of it…..). Sugarloaf. The fair. Jumping houses. Birthday parties. Slumber parties. Any party. Porch swings. Silly traveling car games.

Being in the moment.

Email me your happy thoughts at winecountry.singlemom@yahoo.com.